My vision trembling, lights and colours pulsating, I looked at where God previously stood.
In his place, there was a colossal, vile mass of human faces and bodies, not always attached, grotesquely morphing and changing into other people with multi-coloured glow coming from between the bodies, or rather bodyparts. A constant, straight line of emptiness appeared in the center of my vision, before the edges started to ripple. The rippling intensified, and I could see the line even with my eyes closed. 
Eventually the line expanded into full black around my vision, and then slowly, with a sudden boom and sensation of my eardrums popping, the black thing melted into my brain, or that’s what it looked like to me. Like it was shrinking into my conscience. For a short moment, I saw everything in all the colours possible, at the same time. Even colours I didn’t know existed. Then, my vision snapped to God, or whatever the mass of humans was.
I didn’t move my eyes to it, didn’t turn my head towards it. Where-ever I looked, turned, walked, it was the only thing I saw. As if I didn’t move at all.
 
A loud, choiring voice started speaking. The voice came from inside me, resonating in my very soul. “I am everything” the voice said. “I am all”.
I look at the mass, because I can’t move my gaze anywhere else. I recognize a couple of the faces that sculpt themselves in and out of existence from the clay like flesh of the massive being. I saw Hitler, I saw my elementary school teacher, I saw my dead grandfather.
 
“Behold” the mass said, in the voice of everyone that ever was, that now are and who are yet to be born.
 
“Praise” it said, looking at me with the eyes of everyone who doesn't exist anymore, who are alive and who will exist in the future.
 
“Accept” they said, while touching my shoulder with the hands of everyone who were, who are and who will be.
 
“We are the caretaker of your realm, your universe. We are the ones sent here to look over you. We are a god to you. We are who shape that which is necessary for the survival of this world from the cosmic clay that is existence” said the being. 
“We exist everywhere. Everything exists in us. We are existence. And there are many of us, overseeing other worlds, other realities. Some are much like yours, some are very different, some are so incomprehensible to you that your existence would cease by the mere exposure to a single, what you call an atom.”
 
As I floated here in that otherworldly essence, I didn’t feel my body. There were no eyes through which I could see. No fingers to feel touch with. No ears to hear anything. Yet I did.
I didn’t exist anymore, but I was still there. I had been scattered around every part of reality and existence possible and beyond.
 
“We will grant your wish, but know this. You will always remember what you have experienced here. The dead iteration of you will remember, every you that now exists will remember and every version of you that ever will exist again, will remember.”
After that, everything started shaking, turning into a distorted blurry mess.
 
And I was back. I was back at the bridge. My car totaled on the stream below.
I got another chance. 
 
I’ve lived, again, for 3 years. Nobody knew I was ever dead. Everyone assumed I just got out of the car in time. 
Had family gatherings, met with friends, but I couldn’t look at anyone the same. Every time I saw anybody’s face, I’d be reminded of what I witnessed in Heaven, if you could call it that. Every stranger on the street has their own face, yet they have the face of everyone else. Everybody’s voice is their own, but also everyone else's. 
I’ve been in therapy since, but it doesn’t help. I can’t talk about what I experienced without getting sent to a mental asylum. I’m lonely now. Can’t get myself out to see anyone anymore.
 
 As I’m writing this, I am sitting here with a loaded pistol next to me. They say committing suicide is a sin, so that’s why I’m going to end my life and hope I go to Hell. It can’t be worse, right? At this point, I don’t care. I was afraid of dying for the entire last 3 years because I didn’t want to go to “Heaven” again.
 
I saw God. And I really wish I didn’t.